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Mother Teresa’s intentions

Mother Teresa's quote, which argues that judging a person denies you the opportunity to love them, hung on the wall of my fifth-grade classroom. When I first read this quote, I despised it because, in my opinion, it is preferable to judge people first so that you do not have to bear the burden of loving them. Furthermore, there are people in this world who do not deserve a second chance or even to be loved. Despite the fact that I knew the quote was true, I despised Mother Teresa's motives. Giving everyone the same chance to prove themselves and their personalities is such a tedious task that it was unnecessary. Furthermore, this also brings disappointments to a person for expecting something from the other individual. In my life, I thought judgments are shields to protect a person from the evils of this world; as such, I created mine that was impenetrable.
My family had been my greatest treasure since I was young; my best moments were when we were all together as a family regardless of the activity being undertaken. Moreover, my mom and dad were to me a strong pillar, which motivated me to be the best I could I ever be as their child. Nothing would bring more satisfaction to my life than the look in their eyes when I made them proud with my grade, carrying out tasks among other things. However, my parents divorced, and we had to live with my dad alone. Although they had separated for good, as I came to learn later, I never gave up hope of them getting back together. I employed all the little efforts I could as a child to bring them back together, but I was unsuccessful. Although I was not angry with either of them, the situation changed when my dad got a girlfriend.
According to me, this was the greatest betrayal a person can commit against their partner, an aspect that made an angry person. Marie was the name of my dad’s girlfriend; from time I first was her, she became the embodiment of my hatred. Although she never did anything to me, from my perspective she represented a heartless, two-dimensional, soulless individual. The first three years of our relationship were filled with remorse and hatred towards her. This was manifested in my efforts to hurt her, which I did not realize made me hurt twice as much. I took pride in the fact that for those three years, I never made eye contact or spoke a word to her. Every time she entered a room, I left and slammed the doors in her face. I did not recognize that I had judged her using what was going on my life; she was a representation of my pain and loneliness.
My judgmental shield made me treat Marie with such resentment and anger in my efforts protect myself. I did not want to let go of that anger afraid that I would change my attitude towards the person who enabled me to cling to my pain and loneliness. Moreover, in my heart I was scared to give her a chance because I might end up loving her. This was not supposed to happen since she was the reason why my parents were never getting back together. From my point of view, she was the barrier between my mom and dad; therefore, if I mistreated her, she would leave, and there would be a chance that my parents would be back together and bring our happy family together again. For these reasons, I was accustomed to viewing her as the enemy and cause of my suffering and unhappiness. All my actions were meant to irritate her and hate my dad on my behalf, something I thought would make her leave.
However, for the three years I treated her with anger and resentment, Marie did not hate me; instead, she understood my situation. Although she had no reason to, she put her faith in me that with time I would overcome my anger and confusion. What was more surprising is that Marie saw me as I wished to see myself; in essence, I was a good person, just scared. Consecutively, she comprehended that I was trying to do my best, but I was unable to get hold of myself. I could not understand why Marie was so patient with my behavior and never took it out on me regardless of the magnitude of my negative attitude towards her. It is of the essence to recognize that I did not understand these things in one night. Rather, in the next two years, my perspective and attitude about Marie changed gradually to enable me see her for who she was.
As I let go of the pain and anger in my life, I gained a new view of Marie, an aspect that allowed me to give her a chance. By the end of the next two years, Marie and I were great friends. I saw her for who she was; a kind, patient, loving and understanding woman. She had the best intentions for my dad; in fact, I came to know that dad was the lucky one to have such a person in his life. Additionally, I understood more about happiness where I learned that you could never force it with a person. We are now a happy family, with Marie, the wife of my dad and my best friend. I now understand Mother Teresa’s quote that when you are quick to judge a person without giving them a chance, you do not have time to love them.
Despite the anguish, pain and worst resentments I had towards Marie she never took all that personal towards me, her understanding and willingness to help me get over the hatred towards her was so persistence until she won my attention. Marie made me understand how important it is to respect situations and incidents that sometimes we never have answers to them. Within two years after staying with Marie, my mother passed away after suffering from a chronic lung cancer. The death of my mother was tragic and the worst experience of all in our lives. My dad after divorcing with my late mother knew that my mother was sick and yet he never told us about it. My mother had told my dad not to tell us because she wanted the best for us and she was preparing us for the next phase of life without her even before her death. My mother knew the relationship between Marie and my father and in a way she divorced my dad because she knew when she dies her younger kids would want a mother and a confidant to be with who will look after them. Despite my mother illness, we never knew about it even after the divorce until her demise death but Marie used to know about it but she never took the advantage of the situation but she rather loved us like her children, and she always understood why we were negatively perceiving her because any child whose parents get divorced will always fell captive of negativity and hate towards their step parents.
At these trying and worse moments, my mother perceptions and thoughts towards Marie were true. Marie stood by us, she was supportive and the only pillar we all looked forward to. Marie presence made things even a lot easier after the passing of my mother. It now dawned on me that she was the mother now and indeed she was always there for us whenever we needed her. My dad owed us an apology and an explanation on behalf of my mother as to why they never told us that our mother was sick. He said it was her mother decision and he had to respect her decision to continue making her happy despite them divorced. The illness was among the reasons that led to the divorce which also came to our surprise. That’s why immediately after the divorce my dad’s girlfriend was brought immediately into our lives even with our mum’s knowledge on which he always understood why we were so angry and in pain towards Marie to whom also she had no choice.
I wondered why my mother couldn’t stay even with the sickness or perhaps there is a lot that my father never told us. We could be there for her, we could always love, care and support her, we could always be that one family even in her sick bed, but that wasn’t the case. Marie made us understand that sometimes we may never have answers to everything but by holding to what is so dear to you, embracing its worthiness and protecting the people who care and love you selflessly is what matters. It didn’t take us long to get over the death of our mother because Marie always gave us reasons not to think about it and be in pain anymore but she gave us enough reasons to stay as one family and love each other. Marie became the cornerstone of our family. I agreed with Mother Teresa’s of giving people opportunities to prove themselves and their personalities which it’s a worthy rewarding task.

July 24, 2021

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